the voids' void

    WELCOME TO MY VOID!

    This is my personal little blog, so I'll be posting shit here specifically for me, or shit that I don't really wanna be sharing on Tumblr. This blog is 18+ so MINORS GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE but no seriously get out of my house. I'll be posting mature topics not suitable for minors. I'll post a big h3 CW for anything that needs a CW, that way I ain't fuckin flashbangin poor viewers on this blog. I'll also have read more buttons as an option on posts that contain NSFW, gore, or generally touchy topics. Now, I'm not too good with content warnings, and this is my personal blog, so view at your own discretion despite my caution. I ain't perfect.

    !!!CONTENT WARNING!!!

    This blog will contain topics such as

    •NSFW

    •Blood

    •Gore

    •Abuse

    •Mental illness

    •Other heavy topics

    •Biohell

    •Eyestrain

    As for images containing NSFW, gore, eyestrain, and heavy topics, I will have them hidden under a "read more" option and a content warning. That way both you and I won't be flashbanged with the horrors of my own creation while we're out and about :). As for text post containing such content, I will only put a content warning, so be sure to pay attention to the header of my posts before you go reading.

    I'll mainly be using this blog as a safe place for things I don't feel comfortable posting on Tumblr, so treat this blog like you're walking into my room instead of something grand. I'm just a void that wants a void to scream into.

@Rudavoidish 05/21/26 11:37am
ugh I'll be fine and happy with my life until I remember gender expression exists and I really do just want to not exist. Not in like a suicidal way, more like I want to be some mass of nothingness. I want to exist without actually having a physical presence. If that's what it'd take for me to be free from the entire concept. I hate it so much. As long as I have flesh and bones, I will be lumped into that concept. Either fem, masc, or something in between. Can't ever just be free.
Maybe I'll draw my sona staring ominously at myself again to get myself to lock in. It's hard to explain but it feels like an unhumble reminder of what I am. I wish I was nothing in a meaningful way. It's so hard to explain.
@Rudavoidish 05/15/26 5:26pm
FUCKKKKKKKK I NEED TO LOCK IN WITH MY VOICE TRAINING I NEED TO SOUND LIKE KEN ASHCORP I NEED TO SOUND LIKE A TWINKKKKKK I don't wanna take T I don't wanna be a man I just wanna sound like a boy I want a deep ass voice so bad omgggg my voice isn't deep enough I need to get DEEPER PLEASEEEEE
@Rudavoidish 05/13/26 5:46m
god I hate coding so much this shit makes me feel genuinely fucking stupid. I want to code a website for an arg so bad but coding just. I can't bash it into my head for some fucking reason and it makes me want to cry. I can't get myself to understand it and I don't wanna spend my time off stressfully trying to understand something I for some reason can't grasp basic fucking understanding of. I feel so fucking stupid every time I try I hate this. I want to make this arg so bad, I want to make this real. But it feels like self harm. I hate it. I hate myself whenever I try it. I hate spending my little time off hating myself. I hate it. I hate my inability to do simple shit outside of drawing.
@Rudavoidish 05/10/26 6:51pm
on god ON FUCKING G O D I WILL FIND OUT HOW TO SELF HOST A BROWSER ON GOD I WILL FIND THIS SHIT OUT AND THE MOMENT THE FUCKING M O M E N T I GET SEARXNG WORKING ON THIS PC I WILL BE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
shit man this shits complicated as fuckkkkkkk. I know I'm just a stupid fuckin windows user so like, I can't expect myself to understand all of this. but god DAMN! Determination and hatred for the big guys drives me to do unspeakable actions. and by unspeakable actions? Heh. Let's just say. docker compose up no configuration file provided: not found WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS.
@Rudavoidish 05/06/26 6:08am
Two posts in a row but anyways. I'm considering going to college for psychology. Writing Kevin to have NPD and SPD sparked an interest in psychology, and after. er. accidentally writing Collin as a system. I came to realize that I think I love psychology. I'm having so much fun reading up on clinic websites and reddit pages on these types of disorders, and honestly, there's nothing I love more than when people get excited or take comfort in my character writing. If I learn psychology properly, I can represent parts of people that they would have felt unseen otherwise.
My only issue I'm having is I am deeply scared of college. I only passed highschool becaue my teachers felt bad for me. I don't know how the hell I'd survive college. Especially when I'll be paying mortgages for something I'll very likely fail. Ugh. I'll give myself time to think about it.
@Rudavoidish 05/07/26 5:47am
I keep wanting to post about how wild it is to me that people think I'm some minecraft horror jesus figure but every time I attempt to I just feel like that mickey mouse what a fucking narcissist image 😭 Idk it feels so wild that people like me so much they get nervous when I interact with them. Like I'll just casually be reblogging and enjoying my time on this earth as a living breathing creature and people can't believe it when I do that in their radius. I think its very sweet, I also just think it's funny considering all I'm really doing is existing. So many times people have told me they can't believe they would play Minecraft with "THE RuudaVoidish" and its like. It's so sweet you think that highly of me but I PROMISE I'm just some random dude on the internet 😭
I also think it's ironic that people think so highly of me they get nervous when I interact with them. If people knew even an ounce of anxiety I have just simply considering if I should be allowed to exist then I think they'd see me in a lot more of a different light. Like on god bro I'm more scared of you than you are of me TRUST
@Rudavoidish 05/01/26 7:36pm
I'm prolly gonna just keep updating my works on ao3 to add to whatever I made rather than clog up the posts. So like the shootingrain nsfw will just be updating if I keep drawing ts, shootingrain sfw will be updated seperately. Same can be said for gunslime. yeayeah. I don't really draw a lot of nsfw so I'm not too worried, but idk I don't wanna be annoying
@Rudavoidish 04/30/26 2:31pm
"what are your two favorite colors?" famous last words before the creator of the beyond the skybox mod makes my server name pink and yellow and compliments my work oh my god I AM ABOUT TO SHIT MY FUCKING PANTS HOYL SHIT
@Rudavoidish 04/30/26 10:36am
Whatever man I made an ao3. Mainly to post porn but I'm also prolly gonna post artistic nudity on there too. I ain't linkin it you better go find it yourself
@Rudavoidish 04/27/26 7:19pm
idk man the concept of family is really just starting to feel like an excuse to abuse and demand acceptance of that abuse. idk man I'm really starting to fucking hate the concept of family. idk man. Maybe I'm insane but I think accepting and making excuses for abuse because they're "family" is the product of generational trauma. Which is the product of "family". idk man. Maybe I'm a bad person. idk.
@Rudavoidish 04/26/25 3:14am
autism is crazy because why am I suddenly so capable of learning linux and minecraft commands
@Rudavoidish 04/25/25 11:54am
CW for suggestive/NSFW topics
Being attracated to characters is the funniest fucking shit cuz like. Do I want to fuck them or do I want them to fuck me? Or secret third option to I want them to be fucked by someone who isn't me? Important questions I must acknowledge when I think of the blorbo getting their shit licked.
@Rudavoidish 04/24/26 9:17am
can't sleep bc I'm nauseous for some reason so I'm gonna ramble about ABST-1 my beloved... So basically, new blorbo I have. and according to the internet I am the only fucking FAN OF THIS CHARACTER dude it's a one-man-fandom it's a one-man-fandom and i'm in fucking helllllllllll. I wanna make keychains of him so bad I want a little comfort ABST-1 keychain to stare at and hold at work like my Vitri keychain but I'm too shy to ask the mod creator if they're ok with that. I'M LOWK KINDA EMBARASSED IN GENERAL like hey it's me that ABST-1 guy yeah do you mind if I just *takes your character and makes him a kenovir aroallo twink with a bunch of mental disorders and swayback and a little bit of hypermobility because I can't stop drawing him serving cunt* haha hope you don't mind haha... Ugh.UGH. I love this little guy so much I'm praying to the heavens I'll be able to actually get people into this arg I'm praying people will actually LIKE it because OUGHGHGHGHHGHGHG. I'm so lonely someone plz join me in the ABST-1 yearning I love him so much he's so fucked up and pathetic and I love him PLEASE LET HIM REST IN PEACE MAN I'm also so curious about that "prison" in the apathy dimension. Mark said he found ABST-1's "prison" and like. Mark isn't too reliable of a narrator because he himself was being manipulated by the sky organization, but considering those notes left behind, especially that RAGE note left specifically for ABST, that place has to be no good for him. It makes me question the timeline of the ARG. Does the events in the mod take place before the Mark storyline? Why is that prison for ABST-1 there when his coworkers seem just fine with him? Unless this mod is like, some kind of AU of the arg. I'm thinking the mod is doing a similar thing to the Mark storyline where they're manipulating the player into working for the Sky Organization... but idk man... That YT channel ABST-1 has screams whistle-blower. And ABST-1 does try to push Mark away from this entire situation. And in the mod he seems to practically be begging for... idk. acknowledgement? Makes me wonder where he currently is in the timeline of the mod...
@Rudavoidish 04/19/26 11:22am
IM SHITTING MY FUCKING PANTS THE BEYOND THE SKYBOX MOD DEVELOPER WANTS TO MAKE MY ART THE BANNER OF THE DISCORD SERVER IM SHTTING MY PANTS IM SHITTING MY UFCKIN PANTS OH MY GOSD THIS IS NOT REAL
@Rudavoidish 04/14/26 1:28pm
I just remembered that I'm an it/its now and suddenly I'm really happy. A lot of things suck right now but I'm an it and that's awesome
@Rudavoidish 04/12/26 7:47am
oh my god bruh my anxiety and ocd is killing me today I can't sleep... like bro can we do this tomorrow I have work in 8 hours. Lots of anxiety piling up from such small things that literally don't matter and my brain keeps hitting me with the "what if you did something horrendous and conveniently don't remember" SHUT UP. FUCK. Fuckin embarrassed with myself. I left a server I liked a while ago because of this shit and I'm too embarrassed to say anything. Fuck man. I hate anxiety. Taking me a lot to not just delete all my accounts and hide forever. Everything's so scary.
@Rudavoidish 04/12/26 7:08am
FUCK EVERYTHING I'M FILLING OUT MY VACATION TIME I FUCKING NEED ITTTTTTTTTT
@Rudavoidish 04/10/26 7:16am
I like to think Kevin and Collin have that aroace homo-eroticism going on. Like they are not attracted to each other. They'd rather die than kiss each other. But for some fucking reason there's an insane amount of tension between them. Why? For the love of the game idk have you ever seen the way aro and aces flirt they get insane with that shit
@Rudavoidish 04/09/26 10:30am
I have so many nsfw headcanons but my ocd is too bad to let me share them -_- even on my own personal blog bruh shits bad. Maybe one of these days I'll stop being a little bitch about it
@Rudavoidish 04/08/26 7:27pm
FALSE ALARM MY TITS ARE SWELLING UP WHICH MEANS MY PERIOD IS COMING ALL IS OKAY! I'm still a little freaked out and anxious because i had a fucking NIGHTMARE but I ain't no bitch so I'm handling it. ANYWAYS. My Mac Mini came in and... oh my god I think Windows has totally killed my standards for operating systems. Don't get me wrong I'm no Apple glazer, but I gotta give it to them. Mac is SO much more respectful of my privacy compared to Windows. Let me just-
  • Mac didn't try to force me to make an Apple account when I started up. It encouraged me to, but I was able to easily say "no thanks I'm good" and move on. Compared to Windows where you have to know the fucking hotkey to open the fucking TERMINAL to not set up a microsoft account.
  • On my Windows computer, I can't pause updates forever. Five weeks at most, then updates roll in that fuck my computer up beyond comprehension. Mac though? Gave me the easy option to turn automatic updates off in general AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I DID
  • Mac didn't fucking force its shitty ass AI on to me. It was just like "hey man we have an AI if you wanna set it up" and I was like "no" AND IT LET ME CONTINUE
  • and don't get me started on the personality... oh my god bruh. ts has the most frutiger aero ass layout it's actually beautiful. Glassy widgets, windows, and panel. Cute sounds that play when I do simple things like trash files. Everything isn't lifelessly flat. It's genuinely so pretty oh my lord.
I'm waiting for my usb adapter to come in tonight so I can properly use my moniter on this thing. I still gotta set the actual computer up. Gotta download firefox, see if there's anything I need to disable, and I gotta put this thing on my Mullvad VPN. I'm so excited man. I'm excited to have a functional fucking computer with compatibility to everything. Love linux to death but it ain't that great for things like art and editing programs. Sorry-not-sorry I spent toooooo much money on Clip Studio to move to Krity. + I'm kinda scared of Krita.
@Rudavoidish 04/06/26 5:38am

I feel so socially withdrawn lately. I'm non-verbal like 80% of the time and I'm avoiding all social interactions as much as possible. I hope it ends soon because I miss my friends. I feel like a dick for something so simple.
My paranoia is still going insane too. Nothing too bad, it's not like I'm delusional or anything. But I do hate that I mentally accuse people of having malicious intentions just for simply being kind to me out of no where. I think I need a day of laying down in my bed and doing nothing. I think that'd fix me for a bit.

@Rudavoidish 04/03/26 2:43pm

ughhhhghghhg I wanna sleep but I'm so fucking anxious for no reason. It's 2pm, I should have been asleep at fuckin 7 bro. Idk why I'm so shaken up lately (I know exactly why) (It's cuz of my period) (and stupid shit that activated my ocd and ptsd ughhghgh mental illness be damned) I don't even wanna talk or think about my interests because I'm scared I'm doing it criminally wrong. Whatever the fuck that means. Other people seem chill with me though, so I guess it's all in my head. I'm gonna try to sleep again.

@Rudavoidish 03/31/26, 6:16am

Had this image in my head for a while now icon

@Rudavoidish 03/30/26, 7:40pm

Ah yes, the age old question. Am I afamilial OR AM I JUST UNWILLING TO DEAL WITH FUCKING ABUSE-

@Rudavoidish 03/26/26, 7:49am

Yeah the posts aren't in their own cute little seperate boxes anymore idk why and I don't really care enough to find out. Anyways I'm gonna stare at ABST-1 until I fall asleep because oh my god I think that scene did something to my brain chemistry.

@Rudavoidish 03/26/26, 7:30am

GUTTING MY HOUSE

Ok so the tag system was not working at all and I was feeling the OCD need to gut my blog so! I did it. I'm unfortunately too employeed to find the time to find out the tagging system, so I just gutted that shit. NO MORE TAGS!

read more

Keepin ts here to copy and paste the code in the future, mind me